>tummies, tummies, tummies ;)

7:20 AM

>Wow, things have been interesting lately.

But first things first... I got tired of the smell of A&D and the stickiness, so I switched over to using the Exhale lotion I was using pre-pregnancy. I was low on that though so last night I had to go get some more lotion. Well, I decided to check out the tummy butters.... *wrinkles my nose* somehow I just couldn't bring myself to spend so much on 2 oz. of stuff I could mix up at home for cheaper (and get a lot more). So I started sniffing around the body creams and butters and I came across the body cream version of a milk-based lotion I used to love before I moved to SC by the name of Skin Milk (I couldn't find it anywhere up there for some reason). It has milk, whey protein, white lily extract, comfrey extract, avocado oil, and vitamins A, D, and E.... which at around $5 for 16 oz. really makes those tummy butters look pathetic.

Now for where things get interesting... or well, at least interesting for me. Sleeping. I did well with the body pillow for a bit but now I just can't settle down and I keep coming close to pushing David completely off the bed. The bed is choking me... not literally but it feels like it and I want to just sit up and get free of it, plus I keep having the most messed up dreams I've ever had in my life that just make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I'm really tempted to just start sleeping in the recliner, lol. I'm afraid that's what I'm going to have to do too if this keeps on, because above everything I don't want to be keeping David awake at night, it's bad enough one of us is having issues (me).

I keep worrying about how much I'm showing. I feel like I'm showing a ton although your average stranger can't even tell I'm pregnant, which SUCKS btw... every time someone says I'm not showing it almost feels like an insult that they think I'm that big normally, lol.

The baby started kicking the crap out of me the other day, lol. I don't know if he/she was trying to kick box or what but I do think I managed to get David to catch it in action so he felt it too.

I'm confused quite a bit right now. I have all this stuff happening - feeling the baby move, back pain, swelling feet, fatigue, palpitations, etc. - that says I am really in this pregnancy and then I have people saying I don't look pregnant at all and it makes me feel like crying because if I don't look pregnant why am I feeling this way? I keep questioning if I'm just not healthy or if I'm just lazy or what exactly could be the cause of me slowing down other than just being 4 months pregnant... I keep trying to push myself to be more active... but then I end up panting and hurting and tired and upset that I just can't keep up any more. Not being able to keep up and not being able to do everything makes me feel useless, and then when I just try to relax and take it easy and do things slowly I feel guilty for not holding my own. Half the time all I really want to do is sink in to a nice warm bath or prop my feet up and go to sleep cuddled up with some pillows. I thought this was supposed to be the honeymoon of pregnancy where you're the most active and feeling the best! :P In all seriousness 1st tri went a lot better... I wanted to sleep a lot and morning sickness was tricky but I didn't actually have a loss of energy and I pretty much kept to my old routines. Now it's just like.... well, it's not like I've really lost energy so much as it's like it takes twice as much work to do anything any more, even sitting up has became a chore all by itself and usually makes my back pain worse.

I'm not trying to complain, I'm just trying to understand why it's like this and if this is normal. Then again, I'm beginning to suspect there is no "normal" when it comes to pregnancy... just chaos, lol.

Oh, one last thing... my stomach seems to have umm, a heartbeat? I don't really know what to call it but you can see it moving up and down like it's pumping blood or something... I know that's probably normal, I'm just curious to know what exactly causes it... anyone know?

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