>Private: Private: I need help…

9:14 AM

>I've gotten fed up. I'm 4 months along now and I still haven't been able to quit smoking based on what my OB advised - cutting back slowly. The problem is I might do good one day and the next I might get particularly stressed and go through a whole lot more... and I've been particularly stressed lately. Failing to quit doesn't help my stress level any more, and it's becoming a viscous little cycle. The closest I ever got to quitting was when I attempted to go cold turkey. I wasn't able to go cold turkey at once but I kept at it, only smoking when I absolutely felt I couldn't stand the withdrawal any more, and it was actually working. I didn't finish but I did at least have myself down to 3 cigarettes max a day. There were other things that helped as well, which I'm going to list here:

  • no ashtrays in the house

  • no smoking in the house

  • no scent of smoke in the house

  • no mention of my quitting or smoking - believe it or not saying something about it will make me crave a cigarette, and chiding me for giving in to one smoke is likely to make me smoke more just because after such comments I tend to feel hopeless about my ability to quit

This is where problems come in though... no one wants to give up smoking in the house. David pushes me inside to smoke if it's cold because he's worried about me catching hypothermia. I want to smoke in the cold because that just makes it less desirable and comfortable for me to smoke. If I'm freezing my butt off it's unlikely I'm going out as often to smoke, and if I do it's highly likely I won't finish. Rick chides me about it. And I know none of this is intentionally harmful but in the long run it is. I'm a social smoker, first of all, next I'm a boredom smoker, next I'm a stressed smoker, and next I'm a personal enjoyment smoker. As you can see there are quite a few factors in my smoking that I have to battle. Obviously I can't do anything about stress but I can prevent myself from wanting to smoke just because someone else is, or picking up a cigarette absentmindedly or because I'm bored, or picking one up just because I enjoy the taste, feel, and smell of it. No one seems to understand this though... or care... and I'm starting to run out of hope completely. All I know is that I don't want to have a premature baby, and I don't know what else I can do to achieve this goal except the things I listed above. I've tried just dealing with it and it's not working, I need changes in my environment that encourage me to quit rather than encourage me to smoke. And as more time goes by the more scared I get that I'm just not going to be able to quit and I'm going to go in to premature labor and the baby isn't going to be far along enough to survive. And that thought hurts worse than I think anyone short of a mother can understand. I mean, there are illegal drugs that are less harmful than what I'm doing right now.

I'm killing my baby, and it feels like no one is willing to help me stop.

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  1. >It's not easy to quit, especially when you already have the stess of having a baby anyway, but by focusing on the health benefits to the baby it is possible. Have you tried taking long walks? Exercise. Or when you want a smoke start singing out loud wheather or not it makes sense it doesn't matter, 'cause with your mouth and lungs going it's hard to smoke. Try rug hooking or crocheting or doing something with your hands that even when you're in a social environment your hands are too busy to pick one up. Hope these work for you.

  2. >I love you, mom. You always have ideas that no one else has thought of. :)