>the right one

3:12 PM


Right now I have two friends that are both split between dating two people. Their situations are different yet they hold one common thread - they find themselves wishing they could combine two people in to one person, because they find the qualities they want in both people. Because of this they find themselves hanging between the two, struggling to make a decision and pick one.

Last night one of these friends asked me how to know which one to pick. I told him the answer is simple but doing it is difficult. The answer is neither.

As I told my friend, "When it happens, you just know it. There's no doubt, no questioning, nothing. You're happy to be with that one person and that's it. You never look back."

There are a lot of things that are required of a successful relationship. Respect, understanding, nurturing, good communication, commitment. Without these no relationship is going to survive, at least not in a way that leaves both people involved happy. But sometimes I think we get so wrapped up in those requirements that we forget the greatest requirement of all - love. It can't exist without the others and the others can't exist without it. It can't be created and it can't be destroyed. Unlike the others, it can't be developed, either... it is either there or it's not. If it's not, and that's what you're looking for, then you are simply wasting your time by being with someone that you don't share it with.

When it's there, you know it. You can't imagine yourself being with anyone else, and you wonder why you wasted your time with anyone else. There's no questioning of who you should be with, because you know you belong right where you are. You feel at home... you feel happy... you feel fulfilled. On top of that, nothing at all can seem to separate you. That's how you know which person to choose. It's a non-choice. It just happens.

I don't say this out of mere thought, but out of experience. Until David came along, I was lost. I couldn't understand why none of my relationships ever seemed to work... I asked time and time again what I was doing wrong, whether or not my expectations were just set too high, what I could do to make things better. I wasn't doing anything wrong... my expectations weren't set too high... and there was nothing I could do to make things better. I just wasn't with the right person.

My point is this - stop worrying about who you're supposed to be with. When the right person comes along, you will know it. Until then, stop trying to rush things. They will all happen in their own time. :)

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