>peace, love, unity, respect

10:47 AM

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It's funny how as time passes I become more and more thankful for the past being the way that it has been because it has all led me up to where I am now. What seemed to be coincidence when looked at from behind all seems eerily too coincidental, and I can't help but wonder if perhaps God led me here. I can't shake away the feeling that He did.

Then again I can never shake away the feeling that He is having some hand in my life somehow because every time I look back the coincidental doesn't seem all that coincidental and I find myself being a better person because of it. Now I can't really say I'm getting better so much as more successful. It's like I'm finally starting to see the fruits of my labour. Then again, I'm finally labouring and not allowing anyone to get in my way of achieving my goals.

I stayed passive for way too long. I let my love of others override the love of myself and suffered for it. I allowed others to dictate my destiny and walked away with nothing for it.

Most importantly, I gave my love to the wrong people. I understood how to love but I didn't understand that you need to be cautious in how much love you show to people and who you choose to throw it all away to.

I'm in a relationship now with a man that loves me for me. He not in it for what he wishes or thinks I could be but for who I am now and who I have always been (it helps that he's known me since I was 13). He wants me to take care of myself, he wants me to succeed, he wants to help me, he wants to care for me, he wants to love me, he wants to spend his life with me, he even wants to listen to me. All the love I pour in to him and our family actually pays off... I give and receive in return. We understand each other, so we know how to be there for each other. We love each other and know we are in this for life, so arguments always get resolved no matter how mad or hurt or upset we get. We respect each other, so there's no abuse - no verbal abuse, no emotional abuse, and no physical abuse. We're also attentive to each other. We flirt with each other and tell each other we love each other and hug and kiss through out the day. We make sure that every night we have some alone time together to spend time on each other. If one of us has a knot in their back the other one will work it out. If one of us goes to the store we're almost always certain to bring some surprise back for the other. At night, we fall asleep in each other's arms.

Yeah, we're all mushy and gushy and I love it. :D Brennan loves it as well and I think that's why he's turning out to be such a loving and thoughtful toddler. He likes to share anything he has with others, is kind and gentle with animals of all ages, tries to be kind and gentle with other babies and toddlers (his curiosity gets the best of him sometimes), loves to give hugs and kisses, and charms everyone with how happy, smart, and well behaved he is.

Sammy has benefited from us as well. When we got him he was so scared someone was going to hurt him he would pee all over himself. Now he's one of the happiest, friendliest, and most loving dogs you'll ever see. He has absolutely no fear of strangers he and Brennan are best friends.

I've always been the good girl with a bad guy. Now I'm finally the good girl with the good guy and the happy family. I'm not kidding when I say I truly believe that God has had His hand in everything. Had I not gone through what I have, I would not have reformed and became a better person. And I'm certainly not perfect now, which is why I'm sure He will have more lessons for me to learn. But at least now the road will be a little bit easier to take, because I know I don't travel it alone and unsupported. I have the love of my husband, my son, and yes, I'm even going to say my dog, because Sammy is truly a part of the family.

And now I'm trying to help another good hearted woman that has been abused most of her life and is caught in the victim mode. I think we're making progress... she has gone against her significant other's wishes and started looking for work (and even got an interview request her first day looking!). She's looking in to leaving as well. I just hope once she gets free she stays out of the cycle... that's the hardest part. Running when you see the warning signs. Usually because even though you see the warning signs, you care about the person so much that you stay. Maybe you even think you can help them. But the only person that can help them is themselves. That's the cold, hard truth. It won't happen until they're ready for it and most importantly when they want it to happen.

I am so thankful I have the family I do. I prayed to God for years for this kind of love and happiness, and my gratefulness to Him for answering those prayers does not stop from the time I wake up in the morning with Sammy snuggled against me to the time I go to sleep at night and wrap my arms around David.
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