>demand the best

9:44 AM

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Map of South CarolinaImage via Wikipedia

So far I've been getting around 2,000 words of my finals written a night. At this rate I'm actually going to have to trim them down before I turn them in.

I finally got all my files off my old 200 gb SATA hard drive. What's really funny though was my reaction to the pictures. I thought I really wanted all the pictures of myself that had been taken over the years... then I looked at them and realized I didn't really want them at all. I actually felt like burning them. I'm so unhappy in those pictures! It shocked me because the last time I looked at those pictures I thought I looked rather happy in them. Now that I know what real happiness is though and know what I look like when I'm happy in a picture I look back at those pictures and see how terribly it shows in my face that I was falling apart at the seams.

I asked Derick last night if he saw the change come over me and he said he saw it as well. He expressed again how he wished he had been able to keep me from moving to South Carolina with George because he just knew that things were going to go sour.

Anyways, I just pulled all the pictures and videos of Winter, Zeb, Zoe, Millie, Chii, Timmy, Lucky, and Herbert. I also fetched ones of myself before I was dating George. Other than my music, the rest of the hard drive got formatted. It was satisfying. The emails and logs and pictures and videos on that hard drive were the last pieces of what were a very traumatic 5 years of my life. Why George hangs on to that stuff I will never know nor understand. I can only assume that he hangs on to them as trophies because, well, that's just his personality. He used to brag about how he never got rid of any pictures of any of his girlfriends. And lord knows I tried to get him to get rid of them and the pictures of the girls he manipulated in to sending him pornographic pictures and videos online but he wouldn't do it... nor would he stop building his collection.

Bleh.

That's all gone now. :)

David has saved every single thing he can that's came from me. From letters to pictures to even roses. And those are the only things he saves with any sort of romantic attachments. He doesn't have a trophy collection. And that's just one of the many ways I know that he truly loves me.

Sometimes it takes experiencing the worst for you to realize what the best really is. :)

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