>how to recognize a sociopath

9:39 PM

>In the previous blog entry I talked about Chris helped me start on the realization that my ex was a sociopath. Now we're going to talk about how you can call a sociopath on his or her game.

Summary Of Sociopaths (commentary in red)

1. They make you feel sorry for them. - George was an expert at the "poor me" game, especially when I tried breaking up with him.
2. They make you feel worried or afraid. - I was very afraid of him. He had this intimidating way about him, part of it had to do with his tendency to lose his temper and break stuff. Later on when it became more physical my fears were more legitimized.
3. They give you the impression you owe them. - He would always make a big deal about anything he did for me whenever he wanted me to do something for him. He would also often make a big deal about anything he did for me period - I was always under the impression that I should be on my knees and thanking him for saving me.
4. They make you feel used. - Feel used? I was used, for everything I had.
5. Sometimes you suspect they don't care about you. - Yup.
6. They lie to you and deceive you. - He would lie to me about everything from things he did when he was younger to telling me things happened that I knew full and well didn't and insisting I had "forgot" (or denying things ever happened that I knew happened).
7. They take a lot from you and give back very little. - Wow, where do I begin here? From taking my paychecks to breaking things to even talking my family in to signing the title of my car over to him and then stealing it... he did it all.
8. They make you feel guilty (and use that to manipulate you). - This was a card he liked to pull whenever I tried talking to him about a problem I was having in our relationship. He would choose that exact moment to bring up all the problems he had with me and having me feeling so guilty and apologizing so much I forgot all about my own complaints.
9. They take advantage of your kindness. - He would lie and lie until he couldn't wiggle away from me knowing the truth any more and cry uncontrolably then admit he had done wrong and beg for a second chance. Then he would do the same exact thing again, continue lying about it until he was backed in to a corner, cry... you can see where this is going. He relied on me feeling for him and caving in when nothing else worked.
10. They are easily bored and need constant stimulation. - This was so true of him he even wondered aloud to me about the possibility of him having ADHD.
11. They don't take responsibility but place blame elsewhere. - He only places the blame on himself if it's going to get him out of a sticky situation. Otherwise, everything is everyone else's fault. They either had it coming to them or they made him do it or they did it themselves. Or sometimes someone else did it.

Common Everyday Sociopaths

Ehow has a nice collection of articles about sociopath relationships as well. Important tips are highlighted in bold.

It seems as though everything has happened a lot faster than usual. And you seem to be doing things for this person that you don't normally do. And they do seem to be asking more of you than the others.But there are promises of marriage and a life of happiness ever after and they do make you feel good about yourself. 
A true sociopath is almost always appearing humble. They will lift you up and seemingly put themselves in the background. You are the greatest and they a mere shadow in in your majesty. Beware of this. These types prey on people who've recently come through a break-up or some other horrible dilemma. These bottom feeders go for those who are down on their luck.

Beware of the gilding of the lillie. They are the masters of charm. They will tell you the most unbelievable things about yourself, how pretty you are, how smart, how knowledgeable. They will give you the feeling that you are on top of the world while all the time reaching down into your pocketbook or maybe your sphere of influence, or your friends or family.

Most sociopaths are unable to follow any life plan. Therefore they have a very checkered past. Ask them about family or friends, and chances are they have none. If they broke up with someone before they "found" you, ask them who it was, do a little investigating.

How to tell if you're dating a sociopath


... they think they are above the law. A sociopath disregards the law. This may be evident by disrespecting or rebelling against authority.

... they are cold. A sociopath will have a lack of remorse and an absence of feeling. Their tears and laughter may lack a sense of depth. When they are truly frustrated or enraged, they tend to have a short and isolated temper tantrum, only to collect their emotional discord and appear calm soon after.

How to identify a sociopath

Sociopaths will continue to lie about things even if they are caught doing them. They can also be very charming and get others who are blind to their behaviors to side with them.


How to identify sociopathic behavior

These people are masters at lying and manipulation, yet unable to love anyone except themselves. They can con you out of everything you own and leave you feeling like somehow you’re at fault. They’re also more likely to cheat and prone to physical violence.
... you’ll never be first in their life. A sociopath often feels like the world owes them certain things and that can include other people. A person with sociopath tendencies may feel that they’re allowed to cheat and that it isn’t wrong because they think they deserve to be with as many people as they want.

A person who is a sociopath often lies about everything and even begins to believe their own lies. They may be incapable of telling the truth and think there’s nothing wrong with the lie. You need to learn when the person is lying by listening to their stories closely.


Sociopaths are highly manipulative and can be downright glib when it comes to your feelings. They may miss dates, treat you rudely and be ugly towards your friends. Even if you try to explain your feelings and thoughts, they may not care.
 
... the most you’ll ever be to the person is a victim, not a friend, confidant or significant other. Sociopaths are master manipulators who are incapable of loving someone. He or she may talk you out of a large sum of money, be verbally abusive and even be physically abusive. They may apologize for their actions, but they don’t mean it.
 
How to date a sociopath

There are a lot of other good articles that help you identify the characteristics of a sociopath....

They give themselves away by exhibiting strange combinations of controlling behaviors, such as being charismatic, calculating, extremely confident, while warmly embracing those who fall under their influence, and quickly dismissing all who disagree with them.

These types of sociopaths can be easily spotted because of their affinity to one-way thought instead of open-minded discussions, and they never learn from their mistakes, which they disregard as inconsequential to their ultimate goal. From a controlling aspect, those under their influence are never left to form their own conclusions, which are said to be inferior to the sociopath's ideas.


Instead of saying, "Do what I suggest and see if it makes a difference in your life," they will contend that your life is a mess because you are not following their edicts.

If you look closely at these people, they are quite delusional, professing things that they have not experienced themselves, usually only things that they have read about or heard about second hand, even though they pretend to be very experienced and wise.


Therefore, no one can ever convince them that they may be wrong, regardless of the logic.


Sociopathic Relationships


The sociopath may cry, plead and grovel, insisting that he or she will change. You want to believe. Unfortunately, this is not possible with sociopaths—they do not change. The predator is using the pity play, trying to take advantage of your good nature and suck you in again.
 
The sociopath will never understand your feelings, because sociopaths have no empathy. If he or she apologizes, it will only be a tactic to bleed you some more.


How to deal with a sociopath

Finally, there is a website that is completely dedicated to helping people detect "when love is a fraud" called lovefraud.com.

The con artist's story may have small inconsistencies or unexplained loose ends. If you ask questions, the con will glibly provide an explanation—which may also not add up. Or, he or she will sidestep the issue by accusing you of paranoia or mistrust.


A crisis needs to be averted, an opportunity will disappear—whatever the reason, a con artist will want an answer right away. If you have time to think, research or ask advice, you may realize that con artist's plan is a ploy.

Con artists will slowly and subtly separate you from people who may question their plans. They may intercept phone calls from your friends. They may refuse to associate with your family. They'll tell you, "It's you and me against the world, baby." Soon, you're alone with them, snared in their net. (It should be noted that they will also try to turn you against your friends and family by reasoning out (usually lying about as well) why they don't deserve your affection/attention, give you manipulative ultimatums ("If you love me you won't want to be friends with anyone that upset me/hurt me/criticized me/etc."), or even downright demand that you stop associating with them.

How to spot a con artist


It is very important that if you find yourself dealing with a sociopath that you get out ASAP. Expect the worst when you do - sociopaths aren't exactly fond of losing control over their victims before they're fnished with them, and they will go through almost any means to make someone that figures out their game "pay" for it. They also will do everything they can to prevent anyone from believing their ex-victim, because should someone believe that victim their game is over. One very huge red flag that you're in a relationship with a sociopath is that they talk bad about all of their exs - calling them everything from crazy to whores and never simply saying "it just didn't work out between us." Everyone has that one ex or two that just drove them crazy but a sociopath will tell you a relationship history of nothing but stories about how their exs did them so wrong. Probably the biggest reason for this is to prevent their new victim from attempting to contact their exs or believing anything their exs say should they try to contact the new victim to warn them.

 
Another thing to watch out for with a sociopath is moving around a lot. You can only use so many people before they start catching on. After a sociopath has exhausted his or her resources in an area they will simply pick up and leave, finding a new place with new people to manipulate.
 



Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

You Might Also Like

3 comments

  1. >My sister is a sociopath and she is torturing me with her lies and manipulation. We had a huge falling out five years ago because I just couldn't take her abusing my elderly parents anymore, while they were dying. I am now her target and has since caused havoc in my life by lying to everyone about me. She is telling everyone that I am divorced (I am in a very happy marriage to a wonderful man, just celebrated our 23rd anniversary), that I'm on medication and checking into a mental institution, that I hated my parents and didn't help, take care of or love them...the list goes on and on...I don't know what to do to make it stop and I am really starting to be upset over her insanity. How do I make it stop? Is there anything that I can do to her legally that would make her simply stop telling all of these lies about me and my husband/family?

    ReplyDelete
  2. >Oh my god I'm having such an A-haa! moment, every single point has now opened my eyes, I can clearly now see that my ex was a sociopath, it's the only thing that makes any sense.. ah thank you for the realisation! I can very happily move on now : ) Energy on someone like this is pointless.. wow, still in shock,it all adds up!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. >I completely agree with the comment above me. It is the only thing that makes sense to me also. For so long i have been trying to figure my ex out. Why is it that he acts in that way? I feel that a weight has been lifted of of my shoulders because i tried to hard to ''fix'' him, to try to make him ''see'' what he is doing isn't logical. There has been so many times where i was just so in shock of his cold behavior. I spend all day, yesterday to read about this subject as much as i could. And i really felt that this is the closure that i have been looking for and was unable to find it with him. It really hurts, i mean really really bad. That he can drop me just like that. To other ladies out there: when i asked him and how about the plans you were making for meeting me (he lives in another continent) he said, '' i dont want to be with someone that thinks bad about me''. Please, as if he doesnt know me after five years that i wouldn't accuse anyone without any GOOD reason. Wow, i thought what a coward that you are. Loser. It hurts that we cant help them because LORD I TRIED. But it makes you feel that you can have some peace with it as well. I'm still in shock too.But now after this realisation, i now too can start to heal. Amen to that.

    ReplyDelete