>my first real relapse

5:43 PM

>I relapsed tonight. It made me realize how important it is, especially in early recovery, for a codependent to cut themselves off from any dysfunctional relationships that are in their lives.

Rage is an ugly thing. It drives people to give up everything good in their lives just for the sake of letting their anger out. Then one day they realize that all that is left is their anger because their anger has driven out friends, family, jobs, spiritual beliefs, self love, and everything else that should make life enjoyable to live. What's further is absolutely nothing can be solved once someone is starting to rage, and very often there is nothing that can be done to stop them from raging at you. In this case the involved person barged in to my home to threaten the lives of me and my family after I blocked them on messenger for showing an absolute disregard for my personal rights and health and implying that it was rude of me to take my own rights and health in to consideration over their demands.

It is so very important that one learns to identify ragers and avoid them at all costs.

Tonight I am spending my time re-reading some concepts on Internet of the Mind such as drama triangles, enabling, and mind games. While I can cut off the dysfunctional relationships that are close to me, I realize I am going to encounter dysfunctional situations every where and I need to strengthen my ability to neutralize the beginning of drama rather than enabling its escalation. Saying "f*** you" before blocking someone on messenger probably is not the right way to neutralize the situation. ;)

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