When You Sacrifice Karma, It's Only Someone Else's Gain

2:49 AM

I am so lucky that I have gotten to learn as much about my dad as I have over my life... that my mom never allowed her disillusionment with their marriage to taint her opinion/perception of him and that she was able to give me a clear picture of who he was... that growing up I heard things like "you remind me of your dad" and "that's just like your father". Through her, and later through my youngest brother, I have been able to construct a pretty accurate view (I hope) of who he was and what he stood for.

Additionally, I am SO SO VERY lucky I have a mom that shines as brightly as mine does, that taught me to value truth/honesty, love/compassion, empathy, intelligence, logic/critical thinking, ettiquette/proper manners, freedom, respect, communication, etc. (this list could go on forever). A mom that sees me for who I really am, good and bad, and doesn't bury her head in the sand so she can pretend I'm the perfect person, that sees when I'm wrong and advises me on it, that encourages me to be my best in all aspects, that is willing to talk to others that may not be able or feel comfortable talking to me and help us both come to a mutual understanding and resolution.

I've had it rough in many ways, but for every bad event in my life, there's been a blessing, a lesson, something I can gain from, and I have done my best to put all I have learned to good use and share my blessings with others. And when it comes to enemies... for them, I just see such a huge loss... because they could have gained from me, but instead have chosen to try to break me, which is impossible... they lower themselves in order to hurt me while I just rise above the nasty experiences they hand me to gain more wisdom, more strength, more life lessons to tuck away for my future use. And a lot of times now, when someone hurts me, I just want to tell them "thank you", although of course I don't because I know it would be taken as sarcasm, even though it's not. I want to say "thank you" because they have helped me to learn something new, and it's the best I can offer them when I know they've just added to their own karmic debt and brought themselves further away from the light... or God... or however you want to look at it. When someone gives up their own "goodness" just to give me the gift of a new life lesson, I feel obliged to thank them for it, because in essence, they just sacrificed themselves for my benefit and my benefit alone.

So to that someone that has been making that kind of sacrifice for weeks just in order to leave me questioning/confused, vulnerable, weak, dehumanized and shamed... only to attack me in the end for the results they forced on me... thank you, from the bottom of my heart. It all has been a very important life lesson for me and for my 5 year old son. He is now learning that blood relation does not = love, caring, or friendship, and that just because he loves someone doesn't mean they're going to love him back... as am I.

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